|
Batterers
don't usually hit their partners on the first date –
in fact, they are often very attentive and romantic early
in a relationship. However, there are warning signs that indicate
a man is more likely to be an abuser. A possible batterer
will not necessarily have all of the traits listed here, but
their presence may indicate a strong potential for physical
violence.
- Jealousy:
An abuser may say that jealousy is a sign of his love. He
may question you about who you talk to; accuse you of flirting;
or be jealous of time you spend with family, friends, children
or work. He may check up on you or ask friends to watch
you.
- Controlling
behavior: An abuser may say that this behavior comes from
concern for your safety. He may be angry if you are late
and may interrogate you about where you went or whom you
talked to. As this type of behavior worsens, he may make
decisions about where you can go, what you can buy or what
you can wear.
- Quick
involvement: Many victims of domestic violence date or know
their abusers for less than six months before they move
in together or marry.
- Unrealistic
expectations: An abuser may be very dependent on you to
meet all of his needs. He may use phrases such as "I'm all
you need, and you're all I need."
- Isolation:
A batterer may try to cut you off from all resources. He
may tell you that your friends and family are causing trouble
in your relationship. He may not allow you to use the phone
or car or to go to work or school.
- Blames
others for problems: An abuser may deny responsibility for
problems and may blame his problems on you, claiming that
you are at fault for everything that goes wrong.
- Blames
others for feelings: An abuser may say, "You make me mad"
or "You are hurting me." He may use those feelings to manipulate
you.
- Hypersensitivity:
Often an abuser is easily insulted and may take the slightest
setbacks as personal attacks.
- Cruelty
to animals and/or children: An abuser may punish animals
or be insensitive to their pain and suffering. He may expect
children to do things way beyond their ability or tease
them until they cry.
- Use
of force in sex: An abuser may enjoy throwing you down,
holding you down during sex or acting out fantasies in which
you are helpless. He may initiate sex with you while you
are asleep or demand sex when you are ill, tired or just
after he has physically assaulted you.
- Verbal
abuse: An abuser may degrade you, curse you or denigrate
your accomplishments. He may tell you that you are stupid
and unable to function alone or without him.
- Two
very different personalities: In some cases, an abuser experiences
such extreme highs and lows that he almost seems like two
different people. His moods shift suddenly and can be confusing
to you.
- Past
battering: An abuser who has hit his partners in the past
may claim that they provoked it. Remember that a batterer
will assault whoever happens to be his partner; circumstances
do not make a person a batterer.
- Threats
of violence: Threats may be verbal or nonverbal, including
angry gestures, clenched fists or blocking the doorway during
an argument. He may threaten to come after you at work or
when you are with your family.
- Breaking
or striking objects: An abuser will use this behavior to
punish or terrorize you. He may select items that are important
to you to destroy.
- Any
force during an argument: An abuser may hold you down, restrain
you from leaving the room, push or shove you. Any physical
assault is considered battering.
Source:
"Recognizing and Treating Domestic Violence," presented
by C. Helfrich at AOTA 1996 Practice Conference, St. Louis,
Mo.
This
page was last updated on 04/23/2001
|
